What to Do the First Week After College Drop-Off

You get home from college drop-off. You’re proud of your kid. You’re glad you don’t have to assemble another piece of dorm furniture. Then dinner rolls around, and you realize how much you’re going to miss hearing somebody walk through the door and ask what there is to eat.

You might enjoy the quiet for a few hours and then wish somebody would make a little noise. You might be relieved that you can go to bed without listening for the car in the driveway. You might open the fridge and discover that you’re now responsible for a drawer full of Taco Bell salsa packets.

All of that can happen on the same day. Here’s where I’d start.

Figure out what you’re actually missing

“I miss my kid” is true. Get a little more specific. Do you miss talking to them when they got home? Do you worry about how they’re doing because you used to be able to tell by looking at them? Or did you get to the end of the day and realize you don’t know what to do with yourself between dinner and bedtime?

I spend time on those differences in The Empty Nest Blueprint because they call for different responses. If you’re worried about your kid, talk with them about how you’ll keep in touch. If dinner is when it hits you, ask a friend to eat with you one night this week. And if what you miss is feeling needed, give yourself some time with that one. You’ve spent years being the person who knew what needed doing. That’s a big change, even if you were looking forward to it.

Talk about how often you’ll call

My wife and I launched three kids. One was fine with a FaceTime every few weeks. One preferred the occasional text. One called much more often, sometimes while walking across campus. Same parents. Same house. Three different answers.

If you haven’t talked about it yet, try this: “I’d love to hear how your first week goes. Would you rather talk this weekend or text when you have a minute?” A regular Sunday call might work for both of you. Give it a try and see how it feels once they’ve settled in.

And when they call with a problem, ask, “Do you want help figuring it out, or do you just need to tell somebody?” Then give them a chance to answer. I call this Trust Your Work. Think about what you’ve already taught them. Some of it is going to come in handy this week, and you may never hear a word about it.

Make a plan for the evening that feels longest

Pick the evening you’re least looking forward to and put one thing on the calendar. If you have a partner, ask what they’d enjoy doing with you. They may be looking forward to the very evening you’re dreading. It’s worth finding that out before Friday at six.

If you’re coming home to an empty house on your own, tell someone which part you could use company for. “I think Wednesday dinner is going to be weird. Want to come over?” gives a friend something they can actually say yes to. You can make that call before drop-off, too.

And if what you want one night is to play your music loud, eat what you like, and watch the show you’ve been waiting to finish, I’m all for it. You’re allowed to enjoy Tuesday and still miss your kid on Wednesday.

When you’re ready to plan beyond this week

I wrote two books because the plan looks different depending on who’s coming home with you and what you want your days to look like.

In The Empty Nest Blueprint, I’ll walk you through a plan for yourself, your relationship with your adult child, and, if you have a partner, the things you want to start doing together again.

In The Empty Nest Blueprint for Single Parents, we’ll look at what you’ve put off, who you can turn to for support, and which of the things you’ve wanted to do are worth making time for now.